Make Up Your Own Time

Government ministers are considering letting us decide what time it is, in a bold new proposal. Ministers are using night-lights to illuminate their surroundings as they write letters to counterparts in Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales, suggesting a trial. The proposal suggests that instead of putting clocks forward and backwards and backwards and forwards, as we currently do, we would become in charge of our own destiny and decide for ourselves what time it feels like it could possibly be.


If the proposal goes ahead, the change would mean that for one autumn the clocks would remain the same. After one sleep, we would all be able to look out of the window and decide what time we think it should be. Daily Mail columnist, Peter Hitchens, is a critic of the proposed change.

‘It’s not just Scotland that will suffer,’ Mr Hitchens states firmly, ‘it will also affect milkmaids and Daily Mail readers. Milkmaids will be unable to see udders, and Daily Mail readers will be unable to see the print in the newspaper, thus rendered incapable of absorbing fodder for casual, acceptable racism. Do Poland and gypsies do the DST thing?’

The Daylight Savings Private Members’ Bill was put forward by Conservative MP, Rebecca Harris.

‘This is not a case of ‘Oh, let’s make up the fucking time, again,’’ states Ms Harris. ‘I will not stand for all that malarkey. It’s about deciding when it looks like the evening and getting pissed.’ Ms Harris glugs from a bottle of Frosty Jack’s, before whispering, ‘It’s eight pm: look at that window. Oh. It’s a fish tank.’

Karina Evans

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