‘Click here’

Click here - cats with lion haircuts

Sometimes I just stare at my inbox waiting for an email to arrive. I don’t know why; even if it does it will probably be a company-contacting-me-occasionally-to-keep-me-up-to-date-with-their-latest-offers-that-I-can-unsubscribe-to-at-any-time. I will probably click on it too, have a little browse of the latest organic spray tan deals.

I should probably do some work now. But first let’s just have a quick check on Facebook to make sure I haven’t missed anything incredibly important relating to my friends’ boozed-up weekends or their latest children/pets. Just a little insipid relief before we get on with the important task of earning a crust.

But before I do I should click on that article someone’s shared about cats shaved like lions – that will pick me right up. But now I’m here, there’s loads of other articles about other important stuff, and some of them have thumbnails of semi-naked women – I had better click on those, see what’s afoot. Yeah, just as I thought, it’s some kind of article about something, but it definitely has a picture of a semi-naked woman – that’s for certain.  And it’s not quite porn so I can just about get away with it in the office.

There are more articles too, and they’re really similar to the one I’ve just clicked on, like someone knows exactly who and what they are dealing with; which dish to serve up next. I should try and cap myself at only 20 new clicks, as I have work to do. Kelly Brooke in her bikini on the beach; Kelly Clarkson in her bikini on the beach; Kelly Rowland…who the fuck are these people. Just 5 more to get through.

As soon as I’m done with these I will move straight on with what I need to do: click on that gambling advert offering me above average odds for the weekend’s football – that’s a bit of excitement. I seemed to have clicked on their social media buttons; now I’m back on Facebook. I Liked them. Might as well go back to the News Feed, see what’s afoot. There’s only been 2 updates since I lasted visited: one’s from a mate of mine in Thailand who I don’t really know, and the other’s from this damn gambling site offering me better odds than I just got. Only 2 updates in the last 5 minutes, lazy bastards my ‘friends’.

There is however a post from someone I knew at secondary school that looked pretty boring before, but has now taken on a whole new semi-shine. I should check that out before getting on with a few things. No, I can’t remember this person. But I certainly hope I’ve become more successful than them. Best check my profile, see how I’m looking – yeah hair looks good, could do with a change of shirt, music preference and location. I’ll do that sometime, not now though. I’ve got stuff to do. Go on then, just one more…


Daniel Marsh


Image from Buzzfeed.com

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