Musings on News

Imagine being a news presenter. Those guys repeat the same stuff over and over again. Imagine that! The same five news items over and over again. Every time that news article returns, the poor sods must swallow back an element of self-hate and disgust. Dig deep. Think about the news presenter and don’t ever complain about your job again.

I used to watch the news a lot. I don’t know why. It never went anywhere. Breaking news was breaking for hours.

What happens to the news? They never follow it up. You’re supposed to forget it, move on to the new news. Old news is second hand news, binned forever.

I’ve even watched news in different countries. And in some countries the news presenters are practically models. They’re really selling the news. Sex and news. What more could you want?

Why do news presenters talk like robots? They learn special news-speak with particular pauses and accents. Why not have the Big Brother voice doing the news or the Hollywood blockbuster voice? Spice it up a bit. No, they want a comforting voice, a voice like a pat on the back, so you can watch the whole thing from beginning to neverending end.

I find it disturbing that someone ranks the news in order of importance. How can you decide which murder is more important? How do you know which famine will suck in the largest TV audience?

People have their favourite news presenter. I guess it must be like an old friend ushering the news in your ear.

On some news shows you see some random guys working in the background. At computers. Walking around. Those guys are the heroes. They’re making the show as you watch it. Or they’re data entry temps. One of the two.

On some news shows the presenters are surrounded by hi-tech gear. It’s almost as if they’re on a spaceship. It looks very impressive but then you remember Avatar and actors miming in front of a blue screen.

I do have some very happy memories of watching the news like when Ceausescu was shot on Christmas Day, 1989. Great memories. Everyone knew he deserved every bullet. Christmas had never felt so good.

Diana’s death, 9/11, the bombing of Iraq, we all remember momentous events being showcased across news channels, some of the most striking imagery in our lifetimes, sharper in focus than most of our own experiences.

Bogdan Tiganov

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