Google Kindle: 5 Easy Steps to Make Money with Kindle eBooks

I recently listened in to a Kindle eBook marketing webinar, sick bucket handy. I managed to hold back my puke for well over an hour. And then I let fly. I webuked. For I had learnt the truth about Kindle marketing. Here I’ll attempt to break down the truth for you, in easily digestible e-chunks.

There are 5 steps that you should follow if you intend to do this (if you have no dignity or principles), 5 easy-peasy steps but make sure you do this NOW for tomorrow the world of shitmunchers may have caught up, may have sucked this teat dry.

1. Find a title that Google will love. One that people are searching for. Use Google’s amazing Keyword Tool and search for an inexhaustible term. Marketing. How to make money. Choose the title that’s not heaving with competition and the title that doesn’t make you look like you’re 100% trying to cheat Google. Like the subtle title I used for this sexy article.

2. Forget about writing. Who gives a shit about writing anyway? It’s all about marketing, driven down the throat of the consumer. What you want is someone else to do your “content” for you. Someone from a developing nation, who you can pay your pocket money to. Don’t worry about the quality of “content” or the long-term worth either. All you want is someone to click the BUY button NOW.

3. Once you’ve got your “content” and your “eBook title” you’ll need a cover. The aim with a Kindle cover is to make it as tacky as possible. The cheap, nasty covers get all the clicks. Think vampire, think cash. But you don’t want to spend any of your precious time designing. You want to get someone else to do it. Again, aim low. Go to Fiverr and pay someone five dollars to do you a cover. It’s plenty good enough.

4. Then you’re all set. Start an author’s account for Kindle, enter your book details, upload your content and cover, set your price and MOST IMPORTANTLY don’t forget to add in your payment details because that’s what all this boils down to: you want Amazon to throw money at you and fast.

5. Step 5 is the best. This is when you get to sit back and watch the numbers crunching, your hardon bulging (I loathe rhymers). Because you see, Google loves a big player like Amazon and Amazon loves err…money. And what you’ve just done is played your card. Why shouldn’t you? The world of commerce is partying, exploiting the very air they breathe, so why shouldn’t you get your share?

To sum up: maggots sucking on Google’s faeces will make a nice buck. A very nice buck. And a pretty quick one too. All it takes is a bit of “research” and some much needed cheap labour. Kindle has become the latest cash cow for opportunists to milk, and talent or creativity has nothing to do with it. Amen.

Bogdan Tiganov