This is a warning do not read this piece to your child to your dog to your cat if the child’s the dog’s the cat’s head explodes at the dénouement I will feel guilty.
This piece deals with sex and two deaths.
Writers all over the world will read this piece and editors all over the world will read this piece and the writers all over the world will wish they had thought of this piece first and the editors all over the world will wish they had had the audacity to publish this piece.
In this piece I plan on naming all of my favorite and not so favorite writers and all of my favorite editors and not so favorite editors so that the writers and editors all over the world will talk about this story.
The piece will not be dressed in fancy clothing there will be no ostentatious metaphors or clever devices.
You will notice as you read this piece that I have omitted the meat I have left out the sun the moon the stars the sea the mountains the hills the roads the city the village and the people that live under the sun the moon the stars and the people that live on the sea the mountains the hills the roads and the people that live in the city the village I decided that this story does not need the sun the moon the stars the sea the mountains the hills the roads the city the village and people.
The skeleton shall suffice.
This piece is about the I and a wife and a husband.
This is the one joke I told you about: Wife says to husband, “I had a wet dream last night.” Husband says, “Really?” “Yes,” Wife replies “you got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing.”
I am the writer and I invent and with my creation I will have sex and after the sex I will light up a cigarette and before I am able to smoke the cigarette until the cigarette is dead I will slip into a state of hypnagogia through fatigue and being spent and the cigarette will slip from my fingers and the embers will light the bed sheets and I will be immolated so that the Muses can continue and inspire.
Paul Kavanagh’s ‘The Killing of a Bank Manager‘ is out now, priced £7.99/$12.99.