I Love Technology, Part II

It’s just my luck. It’s got to happen. You know it and I know it. It’s happened twice. But you know and I know that some day it will happen for real. Whatever we invent we have to use, the bone, the stick, the axe, the sword, the machine gun, the raygun. We can’t keep our fingers pressed to the trigger ad infinitum. We just can’t. We have to pop the zit, scratch the scab, fire our load. I know and you know that when it does happen I will already be ash. That’s just my luck. I will be ash and somewhere in the wind. Knowing my luck my ash will be mixed with dog crap and cat piss. Every day I pray for a nuclear war. The real deal, the full monty. I want to see it all, not one mushroom cloud, but twenty, thirty. I want to see the missile overhead, the explosion, the mushroom cloud, the grey skies, and the powder rain. I want to see my neighborhood turned to dust; my neighbors turned to ash. I haven’t got long now. It’s got to happen soon. I’m not for praying, I’ve not prayed in a long time, but now I am starting to pray. I think I have another twenty years (fingers crossed, touching wood, I have a flaccid penis) and so I want it to happen soon. I have a sad feeling that I am going to miss it. All my life I have lived with the fear. I did not fear the bogey man I feared the Russians and their nuclear bombs.  I feared the Americans and Friendly Fire. I feared the fatuous British and their lack of oil. It was the 70s.  It has shaped me, distorted me, it made me who I am today. I know that you too would like to see it. You say not but I know the truth. Together we could see it. A lovely, never happened before, never to happen again, a once in a life time experience, a nuclear war.

Paul Kavanagh

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Paul Kavanagh’s ‘The Killing of a Bank Manager‘ is out now, priced £7.99/$12.99.